hmmm

I give up, I give up on everything. My parents treat me like fucking shit, now I just can't stand being around them, Mrs Connolly has just made it fucking worse! She got me grounded, the stupid fucking hoe! For the next three weeks I am grounded, not allowed to go anywhere after school, in the weekends, not even allowed friends over, this is fucking bullshit! I HATE HER! this is the shittest(if thats even a word) feeling I've had. My dad is the worst person I know, I absolutely hate him, sure he can be nice at times but other times, I'm just his fucking slave, and when I do something wrong, he takes it out on me, swearing at me, calling me names, threatning me, why couldn't I have a normal dad, why does mine have to be so mean, I actually hate him more than I've ever hated anyone else, and that is A LOT! he drags me along with him wherever he goes, makes me sit in the fucking car for about 1hr at a time. It's fucking ridiculous. I wish mum had gotten a divorce with him, instead of going back to him, I was completely upset when Mum and Dad were nearly split, but thats because he was nice back then, but now I just don't give a shit. LEAVE ME ALONE!

Experience

I wanna experience love, like actually the real thing. I'm not really into relationships, but if it means that I fall in love, then its worth a try. Every once and again, I hear people saying they are afraid of falling in love, but I just think its that they're just scared of falling outta love, which ends in heartbreak fer some. Me, myself haven't experienced the love feeling just yet, I think it is silly fer a teenager to fall in love at this age, when they needa experience life first, instead of getting stuck in this sick-puppy world they think is called "LOVE". Fer some it may be that their heart can't take not being with their 'signifigant other', or if they are hanging out with their 'signifigant other' makes them the happiest person in the world, or the only person you talk about is your 'signifigant other', or how your life is a mess without your 'signifigant other', All these reasons result to "LOVE". Love is a much harder thing to do than anything else in the world. But the thing is... I think I am IN love! hmph. I don't want this feeling, I don't want to be in love, at this age, it is just too young fer me but this person means the world to me, I can't stand to see him at his worst, when he's not talking or when he gets angry, I love it when hes at his happiest, cracking jokes n whatnot, MY heart cannot take it being away from him, hanging out with him makes me the happiest in the world, the only person I really talk about is him, my life is a mess without him, but the weird thing is,, we aren't together, we never have, and I doubt we ever will, this is what I'm scared of, what I've never want to happen, I'm pretty sure he doesn't have feelings fer me, so I see no point. Many people have told me to go fer it, but I just can't, yknow. Cuz I don't see the point in trying when I know it won't go anywhere, It will just turn awkward. So maybe I should just leave it, maybe I should just give up completely. It is reaallyy easy fer me to stop, maybe not completely but just enough to stop this hurting feeling.