hmph

This has gotten too much fer me.
I give up, I give up on you, I'm moving on and forgetting you.
I just don't want to feel that way about you anymore.
It's just something I don't want.
We can be friends but nothing more.
I'm trying.
Just give me time..

hmmm

I give up, I give up on everything. My parents treat me like fucking shit, now I just can't stand being around them, Mrs Connolly has just made it fucking worse! She got me grounded, the stupid fucking hoe! For the next three weeks I am grounded, not allowed to go anywhere after school, in the weekends, not even allowed friends over, this is fucking bullshit! I HATE HER! this is the shittest(if thats even a word) feeling I've had. My dad is the worst person I know, I absolutely hate him, sure he can be nice at times but other times, I'm just his fucking slave, and when I do something wrong, he takes it out on me, swearing at me, calling me names, threatning me, why couldn't I have a normal dad, why does mine have to be so mean, I actually hate him more than I've ever hated anyone else, and that is A LOT! he drags me along with him wherever he goes, makes me sit in the fucking car for about 1hr at a time. It's fucking ridiculous. I wish mum had gotten a divorce with him, instead of going back to him, I was completely upset when Mum and Dad were nearly split, but thats because he was nice back then, but now I just don't give a shit. LEAVE ME ALONE!

Experience

I wanna experience love, like actually the real thing. I'm not really into relationships, but if it means that I fall in love, then its worth a try. Every once and again, I hear people saying they are afraid of falling in love, but I just think its that they're just scared of falling outta love, which ends in heartbreak fer some. Me, myself haven't experienced the love feeling just yet, I think it is silly fer a teenager to fall in love at this age, when they needa experience life first, instead of getting stuck in this sick-puppy world they think is called "LOVE". Fer some it may be that their heart can't take not being with their 'signifigant other', or if they are hanging out with their 'signifigant other' makes them the happiest person in the world, or the only person you talk about is your 'signifigant other', or how your life is a mess without your 'signifigant other', All these reasons result to "LOVE". Love is a much harder thing to do than anything else in the world. But the thing is... I think I am IN love! hmph. I don't want this feeling, I don't want to be in love, at this age, it is just too young fer me but this person means the world to me, I can't stand to see him at his worst, when he's not talking or when he gets angry, I love it when hes at his happiest, cracking jokes n whatnot, MY heart cannot take it being away from him, hanging out with him makes me the happiest in the world, the only person I really talk about is him, my life is a mess without him, but the weird thing is,, we aren't together, we never have, and I doubt we ever will, this is what I'm scared of, what I've never want to happen, I'm pretty sure he doesn't have feelings fer me, so I see no point. Many people have told me to go fer it, but I just can't, yknow. Cuz I don't see the point in trying when I know it won't go anywhere, It will just turn awkward. So maybe I should just leave it, maybe I should just give up completely. It is reaallyy easy fer me to stop, maybe not completely but just enough to stop this hurting feeling.

Matess.

I've decided to write a blog to you..my mates,,you shall get a paragraph dedicated to each of you,, so yehh.

Chanelle: Iloveyou! you haven't been my friend fer long, but you're like gudazz n stuff, i love when we have our non-stop laughing fits, and when we crack random jokes, that don't really make sense when we try explain the jokes to others that weren't there.. but yeh you're a gudazz mate, n I want you to stay by myself forever!! kay?

Caitlin: Bestfriend! she's really strange, but you gotta love her..me n her make little things epic, like when we get changed fer p.e, we are practically two different people, cuz we say the most fucked up shit lol but its gudaz, iloveyou caitie..you have been by my side fer ages, n I want you stay there longer, well actually I want you to stay there forever! We have never had a fight, she sticks up fer me when times are tough, and over all she's just a fucking awesome person!!! loveyoucaitiee..xx

Gee:Me and you are practically inseperable(can't spell) but yehh me and you spend so much time together, and I love it, when it comes to the school night sleepovers, or just the sleepovers in general, you're awesome, my drinking buddy.. You have been with me fer aaages, never had a fight, we help each other through the tough, we have the mean bitches about people..but yehh its algud.. loveyou!

Ruby: She's gudazz, haha mum found that lube packet, but yeh we have many epic times together..she's a bit of a bum but iloveher. We have lube fights, we have punching fights, but over all we just have awesome times together..

Alex: Me and Alex are good mates, hes been my mate fer ages, he's a gc when it comes to advice, hes just a gc in general, i love his humour, because it is so similar to mine, he freaks me out so much but i guess thats just what alex is like..he's just awesome.. i tell him everything. xx

Rhys: Rhys can hold grudges..i cannot,,its annoying when he gets angry at me and doesn't talk to me fer 5 days, but now we algud. He's got really weird lately, freaking me out n whatnot, gets real scary but algud. I ain't bovard, I usually tell him everything, but yehh,, i hated when me n him weren't talking like last term,, because i 'changed' but I'm back. I'm back to normal. xP..but anywhooo he's gudazz. xx

Nic: Nic's a GC, me n him go waaaay back, but yehh we stopped being mates fer a year, but thats cuz we went to a different school, buh now we are gudazz, he's a crack-up n a half. But he is a really good mate..xo